Previous: Cooking Rosh Style
"Perform?" said Isha, "What perform? You left the oven going and the fruitcake was baked with a shot glass in it."
"You couldn't walk straight and you couldn't talk straight even though you've had decades of training and experience."
"You slept on the bed with your shoes on, and you pushed me off the bed when I tried to get in. You snored all night and you made Rum balls in your sleep.”
“The things I do to please you, Darling” he smiled up at her, “My need to “hold my tongue” when you are around causes my occasional speech impediment. You can see the effect you have on me.”
“Those weren’t the effects I had on you. They were the effects of the whole bottle of bourbon that you polished off yesterday. The more you drank, the more you stammered. That’s not good,” she admonished.
“What’s not good?” he asked innocently, “The stammering or the drinking?”
“The drinking,” she wanted to be serious, “And the blabbering that followed.”
"At least I was human," Rosh offered almost apologetically, "did you know that in nature it is only humans that stammer. I know of no animal that stammers."
"Interesting, but I don't think I could handle any more stammering animals, pet," she melted at his rejoinder, "One's enough in this household. And by the way, animals do stammer!"
Rosh looked up at her from his bed in surprise.
She explained, "Well, the other day I saw Tom's cat on the curbside. Then his neighbor Mark's Great Dane came around the corner, and Tom's cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!" Before she could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"
“About time I ate you too,” he guffawed, as he suddenly leapt at her.
“Owwwww,” she meowed.
“Ww ww ww wwoof!” he stuttered.
Author's note: No animals were harmed in the making of this story. Only the joke Little Johnny in Biology Class at Laugh Out Loud was mangled.
Next: The Midas Touch