Just upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0?
Try Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Quarantine Secretary With Mini Skirt 3.3!
Previous Story: How Tax Cuts Work
"What's so funny?" Rosh growled.
Isha had been giggling away at her laptop for some time now and he found it irksome. He had been trying to concentrate on finishing his report on his own laptop.
"It's an old marriage joke," she giggled again, and started reading it aloud for him:
Dear Tech Support,
Subject: Recent System Upgrade to Wife 1.0. Help needed!
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. Soon after, I noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing, which took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product disclosure statement.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the Wife 1.0 uninstall utility does not seem to be working. Can you help me please!
A Troubled User
"Marriage is a dish you regret eating," Rosh smiled, "and regret not eating. But it has its uses. It can be made to work."
"How?" she asked.
"It's not rocket science," he replied. "It's the little things that make it work. Making time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, dancing..."
"She goes on Tuesdays, you mean," Isha giggled, "and he goes on Fridays?"
"That'll help," Rosh winked. "Then there's other little things to keep a marriage brimming. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. Whenever you're right, shut up."
"Tech Support thinks so too," Isha guffawed. "Here is their response:"
Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many boys upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the perception that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and revert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge all program files of Wife 1.0 from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to allow this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original install.
I suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). It clearly states that in using this program, you must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I found installing background application C:\YES DEAR alleviates system overheating. Another useful course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
In any case, avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command anyway, to make the operating system return to normal. The system will run smoothly so long as you take the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but can be very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K.
Do not, under any circumstance, install Secretary with Mini Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Look in your manual under 'Warnings- Alimony/Child support'.
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0.
Best of Luck,
"Love may be blind," Rosh shook his head, "but marriage is a real eye-opener."
Next Story: It's A Dog's Life